Honesty matters. But timing matters too.
We often think being truthful means speaking up immediately, no matter what. But sometimes, the best way to love someone is to wait until the truth can actually be received.
A close friend once shared the first two chapters of a book he had written and asked me to read them.
As soon as I finished reading, he looked at me with eager eyes and said, “Well? What do you think?”
In that moment, I could tell their heart was wrapped up in the writing. He wasn’t asking for critique; he was asking for support.
If I had jumped in with all the things that needed work, it would have crushed them.
So instead, I said something true but encouraging: “I can tell this book means a lot to you, and I’m so glad you shared it with me.”
Later that week, when the excitement had calmed down, I asked if he’d like some honest feedback. He said yes. And that’s when we had a thoughtful conversation about what could be improved.
He received it well, not because the feedback changed, but because the timing did.
We often rush to speak our minds, especially in heated moments.
When someone criticizes us, snaps at us, or frustrates us, we want to “set the record straight” right then and there. But raw emotion is not the right soil for planting rational truth.
As Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”
It’s not just about what you say. It’s about when and how you say it.
When someone is emotional, meet them with empathy first. Listen. Acknowledge what they’re feeling. Then wait for the right moment, when the heat cools and rationality returns, to speak the truth in love.
This is true in marriages, in parenting, in friendships, and in the workplace. Timing determines whether your honesty heals or harms.
So be honest. But be wise.
Don’t confuse blurting with bravery. Truth that’s rushed can break trust. Truth that’s timed with love can build it.
Say the right thing. Say it the right way. And say it at the right time.
